The holidays are upon us. While for many people this is a joyous time filled with family gatherings, love, and great food; this is not the case for everyone. By now the #thanksgivingclapback memes have started flooding your social media newsfeeds. While they are funny, what they are not is healthy boundaries.
Let’s take a minute to stop and really discuss healthy boundaries within relationships and what that really means. People often discuss healthy boundaries, but without providing any clear definition and example. In essence, healthy boundaries are an act of self-preservation. They are a recognition that you cannot be all things to all people and the recognition that trying to be all things to all people will wear you down. Healthy boundaries are the gray area between “Do whatever you want!” and “No!”. It is about recognizing your limitations in a way that is respectful to you and someone else.
Healthy boundaries are about valuing your own opinion and values, while also respecting the values and opinions of others. The thing that makes healthy boundaries so difficult is that it takes a lot of introspection. In order to respect yourself and your boundaries, you must first know your limits. Identify how you feel about it and listen to your emotions. Often our emotions are telling us something important.
Once you understand your emotions, your opinion, and your values; it is time to set your limits. Once you set your limits, enforce them. Be assertive. Setting limits and enforcing them does not have to be disrespectful to others. It also does not mean you have to cut people completely out of your life. It is about understanding how much time, energy, and effort you can put into a relationship and walking away you hit that limit.
Lastly, healthy boundaries are developed over time. It is not something that you will be able to implement with 100% accuracy the first time you try. It also takes time to understand what a healthy boundary looks like for you. Bottom line, healthy boundaries are a learning process. Be kind to yourself and respect yourself. Even if it is not perfect, some boundaries are better than no boundaries.
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